


but if i’m too far gone i’ll never win

by ampere



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-06-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 15:37:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/838530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ampere/pseuds/ampere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leigh-Anne breaks up with Jade, Jade has no idea what to do. Life with Perrie happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but if i’m too far gone i’ll never win

**Author's Note:**

> So it's late here. But for some reason I decided to put my iPod on shuffle and write a jerrie according to what the songs inspired and what their time allowed. This is what happened. 
> 
> Title from Motion City Soundtrack's Stand Too Close. 
> 
> The lyrics of the song Perrie sings about Jade are from Acres of Lions' Closer.

_but i get carried away with every day_

When Leigh-Anne breaks up with her, Jade has no idea what to do, where to go. It's all weird, a life with no Leigh-Anne to grab on to and drool all over in her sleep.

The pub is an obvious place, Jade has to go and drink her weight in beer and get piss drunk and wallow in her misery.

The pub is empty when she gets to it, only a few people taking advantage of the early day drinking. Jesy is manning the bar, cleaning glasses and mixing things.

Jade slides into a stool, asks for a water that Jesy rolls her eyes at.

There's a jagged sound from somewhere, and Jade spins around, looks at a girl on the makeshift stage (that Jade hadn't seen) wincing over a dropped amp.

Before coming, spending the night sipping cola and water, Jade had sworn off girls, sworn off love but she leaves the pub with the girl's number.

-

_so am i close to you anymore, if it's over_

The night afterwards, she takes Perrie home. She's drunk ( _finally_ ) and it's raining, this heavy downpour that feels like its trying to wash away Leigh-Anne from her skin. Get it nice and clean for the press of Perrie.

It's clumsy. She trips over her pants, hits her toe and knee in the dark. But she ends up with Perrie in her bed, knees pressing to the side of her head, keeping Perrie's mouth and teeth and lips in between her legs. Licking and biting and _so good_.

-

_head over heels in love_

She doesn't see Perrie the next day, doesn't call her, doesn't go to the pub. The problem is that she _hears_ her, it's a downside about living in the flat up stairs.

Jesy is a perk, so is the easy access to booze.

So she can't sleep, with Perrie's voice filtering through the wooden boards of her floor. Voice heartbroken, songs sultry and dragging.

"My mama always said I felt in love too easy," Perrie says one night, "it happened last week. So it goes to show your mama knows you best. I felt in love, and out of it. This is a song I wrote the first day I saw her, and never got a chance to sing to her."

-

_'cause i believe in me, yeah, it's so addicting, fuck yeah_

Jesy goes over to her house one night, on her night off. There isn't a lot of puttering around the subject.

Jesy cooks chicken legs and potato wedges with couscous and tells Jade to stop fucking Perrie over.

"Poor girl only sings love songs now. Never knew there were that many," Jesy pushes the couscous around her plate.

"Uh," Jade says, picks at the skin of her chicken leg, "I dunno how to fix it?"

Jesy shakes her head, "you and Leigh were always the same. Messed things up, messed people up, never bothered to fix it."

"What's that supposed to mean," Jade asks, takes a potato wedge.

"Just you guys broke a lot of hearts when you got together, and you two never had the self esteem to see it," Jesy shrugs, "it's ok, I'm over it."

Jade coughs up the food suddenly stuck in her throat, "you liked Leigh?" she wheezes.

"Nah," Jesy shakes her head, "I liked you."

-

_i wanna be drunk when i wake up on the right side of the wrong bed_

She gets drunk again, Jesy says she needs a little courage. So she takes pint after pint and ends up in the wrong bed.

It's hard _not_ to compare. The way Leigh-Anne was always cold in the morning, skin clammy. The way Perrie was so warm from all the liquor in her veins, the rush of performing.

Jesy feels hot, sticks to her skin and soothes over the ache of all that's been going on. It's soft and fuzzy and Jade feels _comfortable_ and _safe_.

Jesy blinks up at her, eyes still rimmed with the eyeliner from the night before.

"I..." Jade's mouth tastes rank and her throat feels full of cotton.

"Don't worry about it," Jesy laughs, rolls on top of Jade, knees bracketing her hips, "rebound, yeah?"

-

_little girl you got me staring odd_

It just gets harder. The last message, and first, she sent to Perrie is almost three months old. And Perrie starts missing her gigs, leaves a rowdy crowd, and an antsy Jade.

And Jade has a _job_. A column about love and relationships. And that's rich, ironic, God must have a good sense of humor.

Of course she catches glimpses of Perrie. With her ever changing hair. Blonde, purple, pink, platinum, purple again. It's not so hard to miss her. When she's going to the coffee shop in the morning and Perrie is shuffling away. Or even when she catches the bus and Perrie gets to the stop in time to wait for the other one on schedule.

Perrie is pretty to look at. Jade spends lots of hours looking at her Facebook pictures. It's creepy, she knows it is. But it's hard not to look at Perrie.

-

_i don't mind, this time it doesn't matter_

It's a lot different, a club to a pub. Jesy dresses her up, pushes her chest out to get in quicker and leaves her with instructions to find a pretty lady and get laid.

Dancing is easy, even if Jade isn't so good at it. She still enjoys it.

She's stuck in a mob of people, skin sticking and grinding together, sweat all over. The strobe lights blind her and she squints pass the harshness of them to see Perrie, leaning over the back wall, hair in a bun, midriff bare to the world.

Jade's heart does that thing. That thing it did when she saw Leigh-Anne for the first time. A flop and a quiver hammering against her rib cage.

Perrie slithers to her, peels away all the bodies gripping at Jade and places her mouth to Jade's ear.

"Hey," she says, it's nothing but it still makes Jade shiver and her skin go tight.

"I...I though I broke your heart," Jade calls back.

She can feel Perrie go stiff at that. Right, Jade _wasn't_ supposed to know that.

"My mama always said I had to go in for the things I really wanted," Perrie finally says.

And ok, right. At least they're on the same page now.

-

_i know i'm not your favorite record_

It's getting colder, the leaves are turning orange and red and yellow, catch at Jade's hair and in her clothes.

Fall means warm clothes and food and a warm Perrie sleepy eyed in her bed, hair a mess and reaching blindly for her clothes.

It means Leigh-Anne and her start talking again and Jesy gets a girlfriend. Her name is Eleanor. And she's the _tiniest_ thing Jade has ever seen.

It means her flat is full of music and chords of songs Jade has _never_ heard, and it means Perrie plays her guitar with her hair a wild mess and only in her knickers and a vest and Jade gets to kiss all the foreign notes out of Perrie's mouth.

-

_hide the details i don't want to know a thing_

It feels good. Spending her spare time with Perrie. Memorizing the taste of her skin, the little noises she can get out of her. Learning how similar they are to Perrie's singing noises.

Perrie can't cook. But she bakes a lot. Jade has a fridge full of containers full of biscuits and pastries, fillings and custards. Anything sweet Jade could ever want.

It turns out Perrie had a morning job at the coffee shop baking all the daily goods.

The taste is familiar, something Jade has been eating since she moved into London with Leigh-Anne.

-

_i had a pocket full of dreams but I gave them all to you_

Her column starts to get noticed. More of an audience. And Perrie keeps getting shows, at small bars and clubs. Gaining momentum, getting fan after fan.

It's pretty great. But Jade always laughs when Perrie reminds her they're each others biggest fan.

-

_see where we land_

They leave it all behind, pack their things, buy the first tickets departing on the hour and take off.

Leave Leigh-Anne and Jesy, the pub, the fans, the attention, their dusty flat.

The town is small, it's cold and full of snow and everyone has a Jersey accent. Perrie walks around asking for help in a fake accent and they get looks. There's only one motel in the whole town.

It's old, moldier than their old flat, but it's still exciting, to leave everything behind and start over.

They're half an hour away from New York City and about an hour or two away form Philadelphia. It's a good place. They get an apartment upstairs to a Mexican bodega. It's big and open and it overlooks the little shopping district.

Perrie takes out her guitar, sits on the fire escape and starts strumming away.

-

_she's into robots and desserts_

Jade starts babysitting, gets a job on line as a blogger. The kids are fun, usually charming and not so difficult.

Perrie usually comes home after all the kids leave. But on some days she trudges home early and it's something...something else seeing Perrie with kids.

Jade gets misty eyed and a head full of baby talk. Watching Perrie play pretend and tickle and roll around giggling.

When they're in bed that night. Jade whispers as quietly as she can. But Perrie still hears it.

"Yeah I think we need a kid of our own."

-

_i heard that familiar song_

She starts playing shows again. All around their new city. In New York and Pennsylvania. Until Perrie is a _thing_. An underground sensation.

Jade starts hearing that song everywhere. The song about Perrie's heartbreak, falling in love too fast.

_I'll turn you up_

_I need you now_ ,

_I need you loud and under everything_

About how Jade worked out in the end.

_I will take comfort in your sound_

Perrie's getting there, Perrie is going to make it. And Jade, well Jade feels like she made it the first night they met.

She smiles and looks on from the small side of the stage. Belly swollen and skin glowing. Their family, their dream almost complete.

-

_close your baby blue eyes; every moment feels right_

She starts to cry in the middle of the night. And Perrie elbows her ribs.

"Your child is calling for you," she mumbles into her pillow, curls into herself.

Jade allows herself a snort at that, looks at the ceiling, shadows stretching over it and gets up.

They name her Louise, after Jesy. They really owe a lot to her. All these years together, each other.

Jade picks her up, holds her close and starts a slow rocking. She hums softly, smiles when Louise starts to go quiet, a little vibrating ball of _sunshine_ and _love_ and _cute_.

She looks down and big blue eyes look at her; framed with dusty eyelashes, cheeks pink and mouth rosy.

"Sleep," Perrie trudges in, wrapped in their duvet, feet bare, toes curling at the cold of the floor.

"Almost," Jade hums and Perrie plops on the rocking chair, yawns.

"Lemme," Perrie makes grabby hands and Jade moves towards her, bends down to place their baby girl in Perrie's arm.

Louise blinks at Perrie. Perrie blinks back, same eyes, same blue. Jade smiles, and Perrie places a kiss to the corner of Louise's mouth.

Jade places one to the corner of Perrie's.


End file.
